TOSSER R US FC KICKS OFF!
Small Speedos. Big Ambitions.
October 7th 2026
By Ollie Flinch — Senior, and only, Lower Butt-Ox Gazette Reporter
LOWER BUTT-OX VILLAGE GROUND — There are some days when a village changes forever.
Today is apparently one of them.
After years of completely inadequate sporting facilities, questionable levels of fitness and an almost total absence of appropriate clothing, Tosser R Us FC has officially arrived in Lower Butt-Ox.
The club’s motto is simple:
SMALL SPEEDOS. BIG AMBITIONS.
Their approach to football is apparently even simpler:
PASS BALLS.
MOVE INTO POSITION.
TOSS IT IF YOU CAN.
HAVE FUN.
Quite how this constitutes a tactical system remains unclear.
Club manager Dick Hole was unavailable for comment, although witnesses report seeing him standing beside the pitch looking mildly bemused and chewing a piece of straw.
When finally approached, he apparently said:
“We’ll see how well they go down.”
Which, according to sources, is the official TRU FC five-year plan.
The team are very proud of their new club kit.
Blue and White are the club colours.
Football Boots and thick knee length socks.
To stop them getting too distracted – particular when playing away – the kit is rounded off with a tiny pair of speedos with enough protection at the front and a proud Lower Butt-Ox statement at the back.
The team will have individual interviews over the week so you can find out more about them.
